feelings......

being home without my parents here with me makes me treasure them more than before... both my parents are in india right now.. they will be there for 2 months.. now, i have to handle everything at home... i may look strong and independent.. truth is, im not.. i always have the lonely feeling in me whenever i see others having fun or with their love ones... i've been in depression for quite some time now but i dun show it... i hate it when im off and not going out anywhere especially when im cashless or lack of cash.. i hate it when im bored.. that's when i start thinking a lot and always ended up crying.. guess im jst lifeless... to be honest, i want someone to love and someone to love me right now...
*my love one means everything to me.. now only i know.. it's a bit too late but hey.. better to know now than never...*

working gives me life.. working in zanmai gives me hope and life... but changing to a different work place might be a whole loads of different story... to be honest, im still hesitating whether to take a better job offer which was offered to me by esther's mom.. i've spoke to many ppl about it.. all advised me to go for it but i dunno... lack of confidence and low self-esteem makes me think twice about the JOB... the thought of leaving my bestest fren in zanmai, ah mei, kills me.. but i know i can always contact her even if im not working there.. but to me, everything would be different.. i've experienced that but is with someone else..
*trying to dare myself to accept the change but in the end i know im a coward to do so..*

many things to think of right now as im going through the stage of entering the adult world.. i hate this feeling but THIS IS LIFE.. i know... that's why no matter what im trying hard to go through it til i get the satisfaction. it may takes time but i have to be strong!! saying is easy, doing is tough/hard.. haihhhh... i dunno... i jst dunno what i want right now... working keeps my mind focus... not working makes my mind wonder.. thought bout suicide but no point.. i myself know very well that would not solve the problems. it gives others more problems.. we are mature to solve every problem we are going though... (quote: angeline jie)
*being patient by letting time lead me to where it wants me to be*

to all my old frens, you all should know who you are... I MISS HANGING OUT WITH YOU PPL!! I MISS THE LAUGHTER WE HAD.. I MISS THOSE CRAZY TIMES WE HAD... (to : primary/highschool/college/working frens)
*im jst being emo.. that's all..*
-n-