Tuesday, August 18, 2009

feelings......

being home without my parents here with me makes me treasure them more than before... both my parents are in india right now.. they will be there for 2 months.. now, i have to handle everything at home... i may look strong and independent.. truth is, im not.. i always have the lonely feeling in me whenever i see others having fun or with their love ones... i've been in depression for quite some time now but i dun show it... i hate it when im off and not going out anywhere especially when im cashless or lack of cash.. i hate it when im bored.. that's when i start thinking a lot and always ended up crying.. guess im jst lifeless... to be honest, i want someone to love and someone to love me right now...
*my love one means everything to me.. now only i know.. it's a bit too late but hey.. better to know now than never...*

working gives me life.. working in zanmai gives me hope and life... but changing to a different work place might be a whole loads of different story... to be honest, im still hesitating whether to take a better job offer which was offered to me by esther's mom.. i've spoke to many ppl about it.. all advised me to go for it but i dunno... lack of confidence and low self-esteem makes me think twice about the JOB... the thought of leaving my bestest fren in zanmai, ah mei, kills me.. but i know i can always contact her even if im not working there.. but to me, everything would be different.. i've experienced that but is with someone else..
*trying to dare myself to accept the change but in the end i know im a coward to do so..*

many things to think of right now as im going through the stage of entering the adult world.. i hate this feeling but THIS IS LIFE.. i know... that's why no matter what im trying hard to go through it til i get the satisfaction. it may takes time but i have to be strong!! saying is easy, doing is tough/hard.. haihhhh... i dunno... i jst dunno what i want right now... working keeps my mind focus... not working makes my mind wonder.. thought bout suicide but no point.. i myself know very well that would not solve the problems. it gives others more problems.. we are mature to solve every problem we are going though... (quote: angeline jie)
*being patient by letting time lead me to where it wants me to be*

to all my old frens, you all should know who you are... I MISS HANGING OUT WITH YOU PPL!! I MISS THE LAUGHTER WE HAD.. I MISS THOSE CRAZY TIMES WE HAD... (to : primary/highschool/college/working frens)
*im jst being emo.. that's all..*
-n-

1 comment:

yeelin23 said...

we love u! lol.dont kill urself just yet!